I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
