I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
