Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
