this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
