I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
