Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
