i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
our cab driver is having phone sex.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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