she was so not down for the gang bang
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
