I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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