what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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