You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
