the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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