im gay
i know
yea but for you.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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