everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
