yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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