saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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