College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
try to milk me bitch
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