I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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