Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
