I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
