i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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