Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Someone came in the potted fern
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
