After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
