i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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