Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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