dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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