The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
