I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
