he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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