I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
