Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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