Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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