Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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