i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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