did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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