Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
