Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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