I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
