Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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