Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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