come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
