Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
