the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
