The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
