I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She bit a glass in half.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
