wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
