You can't special order awesome
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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