I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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