This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
