Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
