im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
