Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
