Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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