Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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