Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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